He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
