I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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