me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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