Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
