u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
