I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
