I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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