There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
