i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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