The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
