we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
