Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
