porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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