not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
