Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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