Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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