she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
