call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
