After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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