my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
