the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
