It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were trust falling into bushes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
