Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
