I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
