spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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