sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
