smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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