Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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