i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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