U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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