4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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