I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I touched a dick in church today
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
