Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
