whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
