Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
