When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
