They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
