Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
