...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
