If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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