he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
