I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
