she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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