Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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