So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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