yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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