I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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