oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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