Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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