I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
