Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
