I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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